Reviewed by Nicki Lis, LCSW — licensed psychotherapist with 20+ years of experience in trauma, anxiety, and narcissistic abuse recovery
As a parent, you know your child. You can often tell when something feels off, even if you cannot fully explain why.
Maybe your child seems more withdrawn, more irritable, or more anxious than usual. You might notice changes at school or at home and wonder, Is this just a phase, or is it something that needs more attention?
If you are asking that question, you are not alone. Many parents come to us trying to understand what is going on and whether their child would benefit from therapy.
The good news is that with the right support, you can get clarity and help your child move forward in a healthier, more supported way.
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How anxiety and depression show up in kids and teens
Anxiety and depression do not always look the way we expect, especially in children and teens.
Sometimes what looks like attitude, defiance, or lack of motivation may actually be a child struggling internally.
You might notice:
- Increased irritability or anger rather than sadness
- Withdrawing from family or friends
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Difficulty focusing or a drop in school performance
- Frequent headaches or stomachaches
- Avoidance of school, activities, or social situations
- Seeming overwhelmed by situations that did not used to feel so hard
What can look like attitude, defiance, or laziness is often a sign that a child is struggling internally.
What may be happening beneath the surface
From the outside, anxiety and depression can sometimes look similar. Internally, they often feel very different.
Anxiety tends to come with a sense of tension or worry. Your child may feel overwhelmed by thoughts about what could go wrong or feel unable to settle, even when things seem okay on the surface.
Depression often feels more like disconnection or heaviness. Your child may lose interest in things they once enjoyed, feel low energy, or seem emotionally distant. In many children and teens, this shows up as irritability rather than sadness.
It is also common for both to be present at the same time, which can make it harder to understand what your child is experiencing.
It is also common for children and teens to experience both.
When changes may need more attention
All children have ups and downs. Stress around school, friendships, family changes, or new situations is a normal part of growing up.
You may want to pay closer attention when you notice:
- Changes that last for weeks rather than days
- Behaviors that are becoming more intense over time
- Withdrawal from things that used to matter to them
- Emotional reactions that seem hard to recover from
- A noticeable impact on school, friendships, or family life
When these patterns continue or start to interfere with daily life, it can be a sign that your child may need additional support.
How these changes may show up at home and at school
Children and teens often express what they are going through differently depending on the setting.
At home, you might see:
- Emotional outbursts or shutting down
- Resistance to routines
- Increased conflict or sensitivity
At school, it may look like:
- Trouble concentrating
- Avoidance of school or certain classes
- Social withdrawal
- Declining grades
Sometimes teachers notice changes before parents do, and sometimes parents notice what schools cannot. Looking at both environments can help create a clearer picture of what your child may be experiencing.
How to talk to your child about what you are noticing
Starting the conversation can feel difficult, especially if your child is already pulling away or not wanting to talk.
Some approaches that can help:
- Choose a calm, low-pressure time
- Start with curiosity instead of assumptions
- Share what you are noticing without judgment
- Focus on listening before trying to solve the problem
- Reassure your child that they are not in trouble
You do not need to say everything perfectly. What matters most is creating a space where your child feels safe enough to share.
When to seek support for your child
It can be difficult to know when to give things time and when to take the next step.
Many parents find themselves going back and forth, wondering if what they are seeing is just a phase or something that needs more attention. You may not want to overreact, but you also do not want to miss something important. That uncertainty is very common.
You may want to consider support if:
- Symptoms are ongoing or getting worse
- Your child seems overwhelmed or unable to move through what they are feeling
- There is an impact on school, relationships, or daily life
- You have a sense that something is not quite right
Reaching out can provide clarity and help you take meaningful steps to support your child.
How therapy can help your child and your family
Therapy can help children and teens make sense of what they are feeling and begin to express it in healthier ways.
In therapy, we take time to understand your child’s experience, what may be contributing to their struggles, and how to support their emotional growth. At the same time, we work with you as a parent to help you feel more clear, more confident, and better equipped to respond to what your child needs.
Supporting both your child and your family can help create more stability, connection, and progress over time.
Take the first step toward getting your child the right support
If you have been noticing changes in your child and are unsure what they mean, therapy can help you better understand what is going on and what your child may need.
At Restorative Healing Counseling & Psychotherapy, we work with both children and parents to understand what is happening and create a thoughtful path forward. Reach out today to schedule your free consultation.
Reviewed by Nicki Lis, LCSW
Her areas of focus include anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship concerns. Nicki specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery and healing from the effects of borderline personality disorder in relationships. She uses a personalized approach to help clients understand underlying patterns and make meaningful changes.
References
Costello, E. J., Egger, H., & Angold, A. (2005). 10-year research update review: The epidemiology of child and adolescent psychiatric disorders: I. Methods and public health burden. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 44(10), 972–986.
Weisz, J. R., Kuppens, S., Ng, M. Y., Eckshtain, D., Ugueto, A. M., Vaughn-Coaxum, R., Jensen-Doss, A., Hawley, K. M., Krumholz Marchette, L. S., Chu, B. C., Weersing, V. R., & Fordwood, S. R. (2017). What five decades of research tells us about the effects of youth psychological therapy: A multilevel meta-analysis and implications for science and practice. American Psychologist, 72(2), 79–117.